To Hear My Voice
by Jessica Jewell
Summary: Hikari, a mute Freshman, wishes to speak. She's always wanted too. She never realized the urge to talk could be this strong, though. Until she met Ishida Yamato. -Yakari with others-
1. Chapter 1

Singing had always been my dream. To stand upon stage and sing a song with meaning. To sing something that would make people think about life, love, and, well, everything really. A song that would help change how people saw the world in which they lived. The words would flow gracefully and beautifully together.

"Hikari! Let's go!" Taichi, my brother, yelled from the front hallway, bringing me out of my daydream. Darn it. Grabbing my jacket, I slipped into it, covering my light pink long sleeve shirt. I wore a denuim skirt that reached a little above my knees and pink Ugg boots. I grabbed my MP3 and ran after Taichi, who smiled when he saw me coming. "Come on, don't want to keep everyone waiting, do we?"

I smiled at him and exited the door as he held it open for me. We were heading down to this concert that was being held at the school. It was a fund raiser thing that the school was doing, like a fair type of thing. The Teenage Wolves were playing, a new band formed by my brother's best friend, Ishida Yamato. We had to hurry because we were helping Yamato set up for this little concert and by the way he sounded on the phone when he talked to Taichi, he really needed our help.

"You seem really happy about the concert," Taichi laughed as he smiled down at me.

_Of course I am! You know I love music!_ I signed to Taichi, who laughed even more at that. He did know I loved music, which was why I would go with him to Yamato's practices. To listen to the music. It was soothing to me and I greatly enjoyed music. I was bringing my MP3 so I could listen to it as we walked there. "One day I'm going to get you an iPod," Taichi often tells me, but I doubt that will happen anytime soon. My MP3 is old and can't hold that much music, only about a hundred or so songs, not enough for me. Taichi knows this and wants to get me something that can hold more music, but we just don't have the money for that. Not sense dad died.

"What are you listening too?" Taichi asked, noticing that I had one headphone in my ear, to listen to the music and my ear closest to Taichi was bare, so I could hear him.

_Brother, My Brother,_ I answered. It was by Blessed Union of Souls, an American band that I fell in love with when I heard them while visiting Mimi in America. She sends me a lot of American music and bands, including posters and such, which I hang around my room. I don't know what I would do without Mimi, or Taichi for that matter.

"Is that this weeks favorite song?" Taichi asked, having to watching me as we walked, so he would see my answer.

_No! Brother, My Brother is always a favorite!_ I signed, smiling wide. I seemed to always have a new favorite song each day but Brother, My Brother would always be a favorite, no matter what day of the year it was. I had many songs that were like that.

"Get in the car, Hikari," Taichi said as he unlocked it and went around to get in on his side. I slide in and buckled my seat belt, looking out the window. Taichi and I usually road in silence, him listening to his music over the radio and I put in my other headphone and listened to my music. It was something we just did naturally. We were close for siblings, Taichi now acting as man of the house because father passed away a summer ago. He was my father figure, brother, and friend. I could tell him anything and I know he would listen. Their was once a time when I _could_ tell him, long ago. Now I have to sign it to him. I lost my voice when I was five to an illness that I couldn't beat. We have some home videos with my little voice speaking to someone, but other than that, my voice is never heard. I will never sing and I will never get my dream, but that doesn't stop me from writing songs.

Driving down the street is not exactly the quickest way to go, with the main streets being crowded, but the school is to far away to actually walk to. The light always seems to be red and even when it's green, the traffic is slow, which is why Taichi and I are taking back roads and such to get around. It is quicker, even though more turns are involved to avoid traffic. This is a game to Taichi and I. We try to see how many traffic jams we can avoid. If we get stuck in one, we have to start over. Neither of us really know how this start or even who started it, but we've been playing it forever, back when Taichi and I had to sit in the back seat while Mom and Dad drove around. Back when I could talk. It helped me learn how to count back then too.

I stared out the window at the passing cars and buildings. The people walking down the street were dressed formally, at least a majority of them anyway, all probable heading to or from a lunch break. Their wasn't that much to see in the city expect buildings, cars, and people. The occasional weed or two could be seen in the lesser parts of town growing out of the sidewalk and a flower or two could be kept in a window.

Taichi tapped my shoulder and I took out on headphone and looked at him, letting him know I was listening. "Did you grab your wallet?"

I nodded and pulled the wallet out of my jacket pocket, allowing Taichi to see for himself that I had my money. I also had a cell phone, but it didn't do me much use. Taichi and Mom could call him to tell me to do something, but I could never answer. I used it to text mostly, which was an easy way of communication. Anyway, when Taichi saw the wallet he nodded and turned his attention back to the road.

I guess the reason Taichi and I don't talk is because I can't. Taichi would have to watch me to see what I had to say in reply, in which case, he wouldn't be watching the road. Taichi could talk to me easily but I couldn't reply until we stopped somewhere or unless it was really quick, like a simple nod or something. I don't complain about being a mute, though... sometimes I wish I could speak. I often think of how wonderful it would be to have a conversation with Taichi, or Miyako, or Ken, Daisuke, Sora, Mimi, and everyone really. I wonder how my voice would sound, too. I wonder a lot of things when it's quiet. I've sometimes signed this thoughts to Mom, and she says that my thinking is beyond my years, but in all honesty, I've nothing to do but think to myself. I can't call up my friends and talk about the latest gossip. I can't go up and talk to other kids at school or introduce myself to new people. So what else have I to do but ponder things?

Taichi shook my shoulder to get my attention and I looked over to him. "Almost there." I didn't actually hear him say these words, with my music in and all, but I am pretty good at reading lips. Another thing I've learned in my moments of solitude and quiet.

I nodded. Alright, Taichi. So badly I wanted to actually say these words. Of course, no one knows of my want, my need, to actually speak. I don't exactly go around telling everyone. As far as everyone is concerned, I'm completely happy being a mute. This is true, I am happy, yet I have to wonder... My mind is wandering again and I find myself wondering what it would be like to own one of those voice activated journals. I would never know, because even if I did own one, how in the world would I actually get it to open?

"We're here," Taichi informed me, mostly not hear noise, the sound of a voice, because he wouldn't hear mine say it. I guess I'm starting to sound bitter about this whole mute thing, aren't I? I've grown used to it, I'll admit that much, but I still wonder, still dream. I'm not bitter about it, for it is no ones fault but my own, in a wierd way. My immune system wasn't strong enough to fight whatever it was I had, so long ago that I've forgotten. I'll need to ask Mom about that. Being mute makes me unique, as Takeru said.

Honestly, I haven't know Takeru all that long, only about six months. His older brother, Yamato, has become my brother's best friend in that amount of time, just as Takeru became my best friend. Takeru is still learning sign language, so we can talk back and forth, but most of the time I just listen to Takeru.

_Alright, let's go! I can't wait for the concert!_ I smiled as I turned off my MP3 and pocketed it, along with my headphones. Getting out of the car, I locked my door and closed it, waiting for Taichi to haul his butt out of the car. It wasn't long afterwards that Taichi was standing next to me and we headed into the warmth of the school to help Yamato.

* * *

**Hmm... a little thing that has been floating around in my mind. Tell me what ya think and weither or not I should continue.**


	2. Chapter 2

Yamato waved us over as we entered the school auditorium. His band members, some teens in his and Taichi's grade, were already here. Along with Takeru, Daisuke, Ken, Mimi (who was here from America visiting us for a little while), Sora, and Koushiro.

"Konnichiwa!" Taichi yelled out and I waved in return gesture, to allow them to see that I was glad to see them.

"Konnichiwa!" They called back, though at different times so it sounded more like "kochwawaiwa!" A smile curved my face at this sound. Such an odd word they'd made.

"Hikari! Come over here. You can help me sort these cords! No one else will!" Koushiro called from his spot on the stage where he sat, legs hanging off the edge of the stage. He had a mess of cords and wires, obviously not very well taken care of.

_Of course! I'd be happy too._ I signed as I jogged over, pulling off my jacket. Reaching the stage, I put my jacket on it and turned so my back was to it. Putting my hands on the stage behind me, I hoisted myself up onto the stage, sitting off the edge like Koushiro. I turned to adjust my jacket and caught Yamato's drummer, Haku I believe his name is, looking over at me. I smiled and waved, a geasture of friendliness. He gave me an odd look but after a few second, gave a small wave back before turning to his work. Wonder what that was about?

"Apparently, Yamato has no clue how to use these," Koushiro held up a cord sorter (those thin little velco strips that you can hold cords with. Forgot what they were called... XP) to show me what "these" were, and continued, "so now we have to go through, wrap the cords, and put a cord sorts on each one."

A cough was heard behind us, and a small laugh from the people who stood on the ground in front of us. Koushiro and I turned to see Yamato standing behind us. "No clue how to use it, huh?" One of his blond brows raised in question. Koushiro gave a small, sheepish laugh.

"Well... ya see... umm..." Koushiro was having difficulty saying exactly what he meant, and for that, I giggled. I made no noise when I giggled, just hiding my mouth behind my hand as my body moved slightly at the movement of the giggle. I poked Koushiro to get his attention and that made both him and Yamato look at me. _Are you afraid of Yamato?_ I signed, a small grin upon my face. "Of course not! I just..." _You are so scared of him! Admit it! Why else would you stammer?_ I was having fun teasing Koushiro.

"Hey, Koushiro, can I talk to you. Alone?" Yamato asked, looking down at both of us from his standing position above us, I noticed he was looking more at me than Koushiro. You see, I've never actually met Yamato, as Takeru and Yamato don't live together. I've seen him a couple times, at school and such, but I've never once actually talked to him, nor do I even know if Taichi told him about me. Maybe I should ask? Koushiro shuffled, getting ready to get up, but I stopped him instantly by placing my hand on his knee. He looked at me, confused. I place my other hand on my chest, showing that I would be the one to leave. I grabbed my jacket and hopped off the stage, heading over to where Takeru and Taichi were talking, but I stopped walking when I heard Yamato ask Koushiro his question.

"Who was that?" Yamato asked, my sharp ears catching it. I've always been a good listener, my ears sharp and catching almost every noise that was made. I listened, standing where I was, pretending to put on my jacket, making a little show of it so they wouldn't think I was actually listening in on them.

"Uhh... Yamagi Hikari. Don't you know her?" Koushiro's confused voice answered. "I figured you would, seeing as your best friend is her older brother."

"No, actually," Yamato answered. "I've never met her before. Taichi told me he had a sister named Hikari, but that was it."

"Do you know she's mute?" Koushiro asked.

There was silence, then, "No, I didn't know. Taichi didn't mention that."

This angered me. I don't know why, but it did, yet it also made me smile. Taichi didn't refer to me as Hikari, my mute sister, just Hikari, my sister. He didn't go around telling everyone I was mute, which made me smile, yet it also made me mad. If Taichi didn't tell them I was mute, they wouldn't bother to learn sign language, which means that I would never talk to Yamato. Not that I thought he would talk to me anyway, but that was not the point!

I didn't want to hear the rest, so I continued over to Taichi and Takeru, not really wanting to go over to them. I suddenly felt... wrong in a way, like it was bad being me. First Haku giving me that weird look and then Yamato actually calling Koushiro away to talk privately about me. What next?

"Hikari!" Sora called and waved to me, ushering me over. Mimi was next to her, or rather, above her, stand on the ladder that Sora was holding steady. I turned and headed over, smiling and returning the wave. "Thank gods you came over. Could you steady the ladder for me? I've gotta..."

"She's gotta piss, really badly," Daisuke said, standing up from his crouched position by a speaker, which he had just set down. "She wanted me to hold the ladder for her, but I've got other things to do. I would hold it, but Yamato will kill me."

I nodded to Sora and she smiled at me, waiting till I was holding the ladder before she fled to the bathroom to relieve herself. I chuckled, my shoulders moving in the joyful mannor of a laugh. I took this opportunity to look around. All of Yamato's band members were on stage, checking out the equipment and such. Takeru, Taichi, and Ken were setting up a table near the back. Daisuke was moving speakers to where Yamato instructed them to be. Mimi was currently hanging some decoration, which was obviously hers and Sora's job. Koushiro was back to untangling the mass of cords and waved me over to help him again. I held up a hand to signal that I would come and help as soon as Sora got back. Koushiro gave a thumbs up, showing that he understood.

"Alright, I'm good now!" Sora chirped happily as she came jogging back and resumed what she was doing. "Go and help, Koushiro. Heaven knows no one else will." Sora smiled warmly. Sora had always been like a sister to me, for as long as I can remember she has been with us. I knew Sora back when I could talk, Taichi and I did. She went with Taichi when he went to learn sign language, so she could talk to me as well. She actually learned it quicker than Taichi, so for about a month we could talk about him and he wouldn't know it because we would just sign to each other. With each friend Sora and Taichi made, I got a new friend as well. Everyone in our group knew sign language, or was learning, all except Takeru and Yamato. Takeru was learning, though, but he'd only been learning for about a month now. By the way Yamato spoke to Koushiro, I don't think he knows any sign language.

"Hey, welcome back, Hikari!" Koushiro greeted as I walked up to the stage. "Yamato has another box of cord he'd like us to organize. They aren't for this, but he figured he'd use us to help him organize some other stuff." I smiled. _That's ok with me. I like helping._ Koushrio nodded. "I know. The box is back stage, so could you go get that and then we'll sort cords together." I nodded and bound off, going around the stage to the stairs in the back.

Haku was standing at the top, blocking my path, along with another boy, who's name I didn't know at all. I couldn't exactly ask them to move, so I cleared my throat, but it didn't get their attention. They were to busy talking to each other to hear me. It was times like these that embarrass me. I'm shy and timid unless I'm by someone I know, but I didn't know either of these boys and I didn't want to just push past. Timidly, I moved my hand forward and gently tugged on Haku's sleeve. This got his attention and he looked down at me.

"Yes?" He asked, almost sounded annoyed that I had interupted them. I blushed from embarrassment and they saw that and looked at me, one of Haku's eyebrows cocking up in confusion. I opened my mouth, than closed it, really unsure of what to do. "Hey, girly? What do you want? You deaf or something?" I shook my head. I wasn't deaf, I was mute! Jerk. "Do you speak Japanese?" Now how was I suppose to answer that. I couldn't speak it, but I know it, I sign it. I just stood there, unsure of what to say. The boy I didn't know leaned over to Haku and whispered, not to quietly, as I could still hear him, "Maybe she's mental. Or just dumb."

That comment stung. People had often thought something was wrong with me when I didn't answer them but they had never direction called me dumb or mental. Not to my face or within my hearing, so I didn't know wheither anyone had called me dumb. It hurt, really. I had good scores in school, keeping up on my work and I knew quite enough to get passed. I was even taking a higher math class than my brother because I study hard. Dumb was defaintly something I wasn't. I felt tears form in my eyes. I'd never been one to take bad things well. Taichi often called me moody, but Mom referred to it as emotional.

"She's not deaf, nor is she dumb or mental," an icey voice broke in. I looked up to see Yamato standing a bit behind them, his arms crossed over his chest, a dangerous look in his eyes. "She's mute. There's nothing wrong with her."

"Sorry," Haku held up his hands, though his voice held sarcasm. "Didn't mean to insult your girlfriend, dude."

Yamato glared at him at him. "She's not my girlfriend. Just be nice to her." Great, now they were talking like I wasn't even there!

"Why? It's not like she could actually tell us to be nice," No Name said, shrugging his shoulder. I felt the tears again. How could they just stand there and talk like I wasn't directly behind them? Hadn't we established that I wasn't deaf?

"That's not the point!" Yamato growled as he looked passed them and to me. Pity. I saw pity in his eyes. I get it. He wasn't helping me because it was the right thing to do, he was helping because he thought it was the only thing to do. He pitied me for not being able to talk. To defend myself. I'd heard enough.

I shoved past them, all of them, and grabbed the box that had the cords in it. I marched over to where Koushiro sat at the edge of the stage and set the box down. Koushiro looked up at me as if to ask what took so long. Before he could actually speak though I put my hand up to stop him, shaking my head. I didn't want to tell him.

"Hey, Hikari, right?" I heard Haku say. I turned to look at him. "Hey, I'm sorry, ok?" He sounded sincere enough, except for the fact that Yamato was still behind him, watching him like a hawk. Yamato told him to apologize and was making sure he did it correctly. I glared and turned to Koushiro. _Tell him what I'm saying. Don't ask about it, I'll tell you later._ Koushiro nodded and stood.

"Don't you dare apologize to me," Koushiro said, while watching me sign. "I know you don't mean it and you know you don't mean it. I'm not dumb or mental. I can hear better than you can, by far, and I don't need an apologie from a jerk." Koushiro hadn't exactly said it with vigor or anything, but it had gotten the point across. Everyone in the audotorium had heard it, too, and was now looking over, confused. Taichi, though, looked angry.

"Hey, look, I apologized. What more do you want?" Haku said.

I signed one more thing before I turned and jumped off stage, heading towards the door. I heard Koushiro tell him what I wanted. "For you to mean it, without Yamato to tell you to." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Taichi hand whatever it was he was holding to Ken and he followed, heading out the door, which I slammed shut. I'm pretty sure it echo throughout the auditorium, too.


	3. Chapter 3

"What happened, Hikari?" Taichi asked as he neared me while I leaned against the car, flaring out across the parking lot.

_Nothing I want to talk about_ I signed, turning my head away from him.

"Hikari. It can't be nothing if you are this upset about it," Taichi said with a sigh of irritation.

_I didn't say it was nothing. I said it was nothing I wanted to talk about._ I knew I was being stubborn and I was probable annoying Taichi, but right now I just wanted to be alone.

"Hikari..." Taichi's voice held worry and he had one hand up, reaching out for me, but that soon dropped to his side. "Well, you know where I am if you want to talk."

I felt a tear fall down. Tacihi was always here for me, even if I was being annoying or stubborn. I stepped away from the car and grabbed Taichi's shirt before he was out of reach. He turned to me and didn't say anything, he already knew what was going to happen. Taichi knew me to well, even for his own good. _You don't think I'm dumb. Do you?_ I signed, looking up at Taichi.

"'Kar," Taichi smiled, using my childhood nickname, "you are anything but dumb. Whoever said you were is the dumb one."

_I know but it still hurt. Why do people think I'm stupid just because I can't talk?_ I asked, wiping away a few tears that were there. I was not going to cry! What they said may have hurt, but I was stronger than that. Emotional and moody I may be, according to Taichi and Mom, but I could also control this emotions. I didn't let Taichi answer but instead continued to sign, telling him what happened.

"Wait! Wait! Hikari, you're going to fast for me. I'm not used to using sign language all the time, like you. I need time to process things. Let me get Sora. I'm sure she can go as fast as you," Taichi said, stopping me from my story. I nodded, telling him to get Sora, which he turned and jogged away to do. As he entered the gym, I suddenly felt alone, distant. My brother, though I love him and I know he loves me, he can't even keep up with me because he doesn't have to us sign language all the time. He can talk to people, like everyone else in our school. I couldn't even have a full conversation with Taichi, talking quickly like he can with Sora or Mimi. Anger took over than. How was I suppose to have a secret conversation with Taichi if he had to get someone to translate for him!?

I wanted to scream, but I knew I couldn't. The sickness I'd had, my illness, it had infected a lot of me, my vocal cords being the worse. They were completely useless now. I couldn't even make a squeaking sound. The only noise that came out of my mouth was the sound of my breath and coughing made a sound. I couldn't even hum. I leaned against the car, back to it, and I slid down, hugging my knees when I hit the ground, burying my face from site. My brown hair hung to the sides, as I could feel it tickling my arms. I sat that way, thinking to myself, even as I heard Taichi and Sora approach.

"Hey, Hikari. You ok?" Sora's voice soothed me, making me look up. As I was thinking, I couldn't really see why what they had said affected me so much, but it did, and it hurt. And now Sora was asking if I was ok, but I couldn't really answer that question, as I had no clue.

_I don't know if I am or not. What they said shouldn't have affected me, as it shouldn't have mattered, but it did and now, _I paused, not exactly sure where I was going, but Sora waited for me to gather my thoughts and finish, _now I don't know what to do. I made a complete idiot of myself in there and now they will all probable think I'm a... a witch or something!_

Sora giggled at this and as I thought over what I'd just said, I, too, felt like laughing. It was rather funny now that I realize what I'd said. "I understand, Hikari, but since when do you care what people think of you? This isn't about what they think of you. I thought that you knew that. Besides, it's never to late to make things better."

I nodded. She was right. I couldn't let them bother me. _You know what. You're right. I won't let them get to me! Sora, come with me._

"Hey, where ya going?" Taichi asked, as he knew what I'd told Sora. That he could pick up, as it wasn't as fast as before. "I thought you were going to tell me what was wrong."

_Later. I have some other stuff to do. Besides, who else will help Koushiro?_ Their is no sign language for Koushiro, so my friends and I invented words for the names. Koushiro's name was a "K" followed by the symbol for a computer. _None of you can, you've all got other stuff to do. But right now, I need Sora to help me_. Sora's name was an "S" followed by sister. Taichi's name was a "T" followed by brother. No laughing. I was six when we came up with these, so spare me the simplicity speech, please.

"Alright," Taichi sighed but gave a smile. "We'd better get back inside. They need our help getting ready. Besides, I think Daisuke wants to let go of the ladder by now."

Sora laughed as we headed back towards the school. Apparently they'd left Daisuke holding the ladder, probable because of Taichi's keen talking skills. That, or he promised Daisuke a cupcake if he held it for him. After all, the saying goes, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but with Daisuke, offering food made you his hero.

Taichi opened the door for us and we walked in, nodding our thanks to him as we did so. The minute we entered the school though, I tugged at Sora's shirt and headed towards the stage. Sora knew to follow and I could hear her footsteps echoing mine. Mimi looked over from her spot on top of the ladder and gave me a smile. I smiled back and gave a quick wave.

"So... just what are you going to do?" Sora asked as we climbed on stage, me having to boost myself up while standing with my back to the stage because of my skirt. Sora, who was in jeans, just got a jump started and hauled herself up. Once up, I took off my jacket and set it next to Koushiro, then told him I would be right back. I turned to Sora then to answer.

_I need you to translate what I'm going to say._ I told her as I scanned the stage. Haku was talking to the boy who'd insulted me earlier and another guy, the bass player I believe. I walked over, nibbling my lower lip as I did so. I was nervous, for many reasons. I'd never been that great around the opposite sex, not counting my friends because they were all like brothers and I'd grown up around most of them. Boys like Haku were the ones that got to me. He was older and by that, taller, and he was cute.

Once I reached them, all of them had their backs to me, I reached out and tugged on Haku's shirt, like I'd done earlier. He knew it was me, I could tell by the way his shoulders sort of stiffened briefly before he turned to me and in doing so, the other turned too. I looked over to Sora, who nodded. Once I got the ok, I started to sign.

Sora translated. "Hey, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I wanted to say sorry, or rather, have Sora tell you I'm sorry, since I can't exactly. Anyway, I'm sorry for getting angry earlier. It's hard for me to communicate with you guys, as I can't talk, but I can hear you just fine. By the way, my name is Yamagi Hikari." as Sora said this, I extended my hand to shake his, and to my surprise, he took my hand and shook it, and to my even bigger surprise, he smiled.

"Yeah, well, I wasn't exactly kind myself. The name's Haku. This is Hisao," he pointed to the guy I hadn't seen until now, "and this is Kyo." This time he pointed to the guy who called me dumb. "I'm sorry too, but I admit, it takes guts to come and apologize."

I found myself smiling back at him. I guess he wasn't so bad. I signed again and Sora spoke. "Ok. Glad that we understand each other. Well, I have to go help Koushiro, so I guess I'll see you later." He nodded and I walked away. Sora and I parted as soon as I reached Koushiro.

"Nice, Hikari," Koushiro smiled at me as I sat next to him. "Trust me, it's better not to make enemies with upper classman."

I rolled my eyes. I don't think they would have done anything to me to begin with, but then again, you could never know what morals other people held as compared to mine. I grabbed some cords and set to work separating them and then putting the Velcro strips around them to keep them neat once they were back in the box.

A few minutes into the work I heard footsteps. I looked over my shoulder to see Yamato walking over. I went back to my work. I didn't need pity anymore. I'd taken care of it myself, without his help. Just because he was my brothers' best friend he thought he needed to pity me? I'm just fine not talking, though I do dream of talking, I can live without it. I've managed for ten years, I can last the rest of my life.

Yamato plopped down next to me and grab a group of cords, starting to help us sort. After a few minutes of silence, he turned to me, ready to talk. I knew he'd come over to say something. Not like he would honestly just sit here and help. "Hey, listen Hikari." Yeah, like I had any other choice. Not like I could interrupt him or anything. "I'm sorry about earlier. Obviously you can handle it yourself. I was just... just trying to help. I didn't, did I?" Yamato looked at me to see my answer. I shook my head no. He apologized, yet I was still mad at him. This confused me. I wasn't the kind of person to stay mad at anyone, so why did Yamato make me so angry? "Well, like I said, I'm sorry. I guess I figured I should try and help because, ya know, you're Taichi's sister and all and I guess..." he trailed off, but I knew what he was going to say anyway. I'm Taichi's sister and as such he's got to try and help me when Taichi can't. Well, it isn't his job to be my brother and I didn't need his help. Granted, at the time, I was glad he helped, at least until I saw the pity. I didn't need pity and I wasn't going to accept Yamato's apology. "Are... are we cool?"

I looked at him, and I mean really looked at him. I'd never really looked at Yamato before, as I'd rarely seen him, and I'd never seen him this up close. His eyes were an icy blue, cold and distant, though he didn't sound it. His eyes hid something and though they looked threatening, they also held sadness and loss. Something I could relate to. His eyes were so different from Takeru's happy, open eyes that were filled with so much life and hope. His hair was much like Takeru's, only Yamato's hair wasn't hidden under a hat, but rather, styled and neat looking, while still looking messy. It was like an organized mess (much like Taichi's room, or so he tells Mom) and was a beautiful blond, almost a golden color under the stage lights. He wore loose fitting jeans with a rip in the right knee and his shirt was plain black and didn't cling on him, but seemed to flow over him instead. He looked so casual, calm, cool, yet sophisticated, all at the same time. He was Takeru's polar opposite, yet this two brothers shared the same blood. It almost seemed unlikely. Taichi and I weren't exactly twins ourselves, but we had some interests and were brother and sister enough, but Yamato just looked like someone to be related more to Ken than Takeru, with his sophisticated look.

As I was looking Yamato over, I noticed that he, too, was looking me over. I wondered what his thoughts were as I lifted my eyes to look back at his. Our eyes locked and I saw that sadness again, the something hidden deep beneith that cold, distant front. I wondered what he saw in my eyes and I had an urge to ask, but I wasn't going to. Even with all this, I was still angry at him, yet for a reason I didn't know. Though, I felt myself blush as the realization that he had just looked me over actually settled into my mind.

"So, we cool?" Yamato asked again, holding out his hand for me to shake. I looked at the hand and thought for a minute. Shaking it would be lying, but if I didn't it would be rude. I decided to shake his hand, as I knew I would eventually be "cool" with him, be it in ten minutes or twenty years. I was only half lying as I shook his hand. "Cool. Here, I'll help you finish, because I need Koushiro to start hooking up the speaker system."

"Alright, can do. I've been waiting for you to ask," Koushiro said as he handed me his cords and stood, streatched, then headed to set up the speaker system, leaving me with Yamato. Though, I must admit, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yamato didn't try to talk with me. We just sat in silence and wrapped cords.

In a few hours this place would be packed with kids who had come to hear Yamato play and to be honest, I was excited myself. I loved music and I wanted to see if Yamato was just as good as my favorite bands. Whether I liked him as a person or not, I still wasn't sure.


	4. Chapter 4

I sighed as I sat on the back stairs that lead up to the stage. I rested my head against the side of the wall, a small smile on my face as I listened to the music. For a jerk, Yamato was a great guitarist, and an even better singer. He was playing a song I'd never heard, which gives me reason to believe either he wrote it, or one of the other band members did. Amazingly enough, though, it wasn't the lyrics I was listening too, but rather the guitar, the beat of the drum, the bass, and at one point, I was sure I'd heard a keyboard. The drum, holding the steady beat, moving the song along, keeping it in time. Haku. The bass, giving off tunes that made you want to sway to the music. Kyo. The keyboard that was in the last song, though absent in this one, gave the music an up beat, making it different and unique. Hisao. And the guitar. Oh, I loved the guitar. It gave the song life with it's ever changing-ness. The slow beat of the song, the fast of the solo's, it all seemed to blend together as one. Yamato.

I think I found a new favorite band, not that I would tell anyone about it. The Teenage Wolves had made my top and the more I listened, the more I wanted to. The music was good, and when I caught some lyrics, I held there meaning. After all, everything meant something. I don't think these songs were just written, but then again, all songs hold different meaning to different people.

"Hikari, what are you doing up here, alone?" Miyako asked as she walked up, a half smile on her face.

_I can hear the music beautifully here. None of the partiers noises can take over._ I explained with a smile upon my face. Miyako was my best girl friend, while Takeru was my best guy friend. We were the only girls in our group at school, so we ended up bonding. After all, us girls gotta stick together.

"Ya know, there is always something I wanted to know. Mind if I ask it?" Miyako looked at me and I shook my head no, telling her I didn't mind, and she continued. "Why do you love music so much?"

_Because music can speak to you, without actually speaking._ I answered, and I knew a dreamily look crossed my face. I always got this way when thinking about music. Music was like my love, my passion, my romance. I'd never actually liked anyone before and Miyako used to tease me by telling me that music was my crush. I loved music, but I wasn't _in_ love with music, if you understand.

"Like you," Miyako said it warmly. I think Miyako, Taichi, and Sora are the only ones who can say the negative of being mute in a good way. If anyone else had said that, I think it would have hurt me, but Miyako, Taichi, and Sora can say it in a way that makes me feel great about it.

_Yeah,_ I agreed, shaking my head. _Like me._

"Well, I'm going to go dance next to a hottie. Maybe I'll be asked to prom!" Miyako smiled and bound off, leaving me to listen to my music. I knew she was joking, at least about the prom part. I wouldn't doubt it one bit if she actually did go dance next to some hot guy, at least, hot in Miyako's opinion.

With Miyako gone, I was once again left in silence, to listen to the music I'd become addicted to. Better to be addicted to music instead of drugs, wouldn't you agree? As I listened, the music slowed, coming to an end. I frowned, missing the music, but not much I could do until the music started again. Sighing, I once again leaned my head against the wall, my eyes closing as I thought. I faintly heard Yamato tell the crowd that they were going to take a break and would be back in fifteen minutes. I almost whined out lout. I had to wait fifteen minutes to listen to the music again! Dang.

I felt the vibrations of the footsteps before I heard them. The Teenage Wolves were coming, probable going to hang out with the crowd and get a drink or two. I looked over my shoulder to see this to be true. Hisao, Kyo, and Haku thundered down the short stairs, jumping the last three to get to the ground, then rushing away. Yamato, on the other hand, stood at the top of the stairs, looking down them wistfully. Like he wanted to go down and join them, but something was stopping him from doing just that. It wasn't until a few seconds later that he noticed me sitting in the shadows of the stair well, leaning my side against the wall. He didn't say anything, but he nodded to me and gave me a slight wave to show that he knew I was there. I waved back, over my shoulder. Then, I watch silently, as Yamato turned around and headed back to the stage and out the door that was behind it. Maybe he needed some air? I would, too, if I'd been preforming on stage for the hour that he and his friends had.

Yawning, I closed my eyes and stretched my arms and legs. I was more tired than I thought I was. Standing, I stretched again, and headed up the stairs, to the back storage room where they kept the drama stuff. I knew that they had a couch in there I could curl up on for a few minutes, take a quick cat nap while I waited for the music to begin again.

Opening the door to the drama's store room, I reached in a flicked on the light. The room was neatly kept, everything having a place and in its place, as our drama teacher is a bit of a perfectionist, while not being a perfectionist at all. When it comes to preforming and such, she could care less if we ruin the whole thing, but when storage comes along, you have better put everything where you got it. That was yet another thing I would never do. I couldn't act, not unless I didn't talk at all in my role.

Amazing, isn't it, how just because I can't use my vocal cords like a lot of other people, I've suddenly become part of the handicapped section, except that a person in a wheelchair could join drama, so long as they could talk. I could join, too, but only as a Set Monkey as they called it here. Though painting sets was nice, and I also got to help with the music selection, which made it all the better.

I scanned the room, looking for a suitable place to settle down when I noticed something I hadn't before. In the back corner was a small piano, covered with a thin layer of dust. I cocked my head and headed over to it, examining the wood from which it was made. The piano has a gold design painted across the fall board, swirls and loops flowing gracefully around the wood. It was a spinit piano, very small and taking up little room. I'd always loved piano's, but we didn't have one, nor did we know anyone who did. I could play three songs on it, though, ones that I had memorized that my junior high teacher had taught me after school because I'd asked. I knew the type of piano by its look and such, but I couldn't remember the notes and such. The only way I remembered the song why by memorizing the patterns that my fingers took while playing.

As I reached the piano, I ran my hand over the dusty fallboard, my awe growing ever more. This was a beautiful piano and all it was doing was collecting dust in the back of a store room! It almost angered me, but I knew better than to get anger over a piano that had no place. As I studied the piano, I noticed it was a Whitney Spinet, with a maple finish. Looking around, a grabbed a shirt from the pile of drama clothing and ran it across the piano, cleaning it from its dusty state. Once finished, I hide the shirt under a few others.

Lifting the fall board, I was rewarded with keys that were shiny, no dusty having fallen upon them. I sat down on the bench that was set neatly in front of the piano and gently ran my hand over the keys, careful not to press down. Whatever sleepiness I had faded away with the awe I held for this piano.

I couldn't help myself. I had to play. Lifting my hands, I started to play a song I loved. It was American and I had gotten the sheet music to get Higora-sensie, my junior high teacher who taught me, to teach me to play the piano that was in the song. The song was Down by a banded called Blink 182. I could play that song with my eyes closed, I'd played it so many times before, and as I played now, the memories of that song came over me. I had learned to play that song at a difficult time in my life. Dad had died when I was taught that song and I held it close, as I had once played it for Dad before his death.

The door clicking behind me made me halt my song abruptly, as I lifted my hands from the keys and whirled around to see Yamato. My eyes widened and I felt a blush creep onto my face. Had everyone heard me playing?

"Continue, please. I like it. I know that song," Yamato said softly as he looked over to me, his icy blue eyes flashing with something I couldn't make out. I was hesitant, looking back over to the door. Yamato spoke, as if reading my thoughts. "Don't worry, they can't hear you. The CD we are playing it to loud. I was lucky enough to just barely hear you as I walked by the door. No way can they hear you on the dance floor."

I smiled, feeling a bit reassured. I watched as Yamato leaned against the wall, folding his arms across his chest as he looked over to me. It wasn't a look of really anything, but more like a look as if he were trying to understand me, to figure me out. This made me blush again and I turned back to the piano, not wanting him to see my blush under his intense gaze. No boy had really looked at me like that before, and I was a bit flattered. Some boys were turned off by the thought of me being mute, others just took no interest in me at all. I'd never once been asked to a dance or a date, or even to just hang out with someone from the opposite sex. Yet here was Yamato, the school's new god, watching me. I had no clue why, but he was, and it made me blush.

"Are you going to play it?" Yamato asked as I heard him shuffle. I looked back over to him. He didn't look all that comfortable leaning against the wall. I nodded and lifted a hand, motioning him over. Yamato understood and pushed himself off the wall and walked over. Once he was standing behind me, I scooted over and patted the spot on the bench next to me. Yamato raised an eyebrow at me and I patted the spot again. Yamato sat, but the bench was smaller than I had originally thought, and Yamato's leg was right against mine. This affected me and my stomach felt funny. I must have been getting sick. Yes, I'll admit that Yamato was gorgeous, but I barely knew him, no way could I be attracted to him. Besides, I wasn't the kind to get attracted to people, anyway. Not in that manner.

Once Yamato was seated and I had forced myself to quit thinking about the fact he was touching my leg with his, I lifted my hands and began to play the song again. Faintly, I heard Yamato humming, as if trying to find out what song this was. I played halfway through thw song before Yamato spoke again.

"What song is this?" He asked and I stopped playing. I lifted my hand and grabbed his, turning it palm up. On it, using the pointer finger from my other hand, I pretended to write the letters on his hand. D. O. W. N. "Down?" I nodded and started on the next word. B. L. I. after that, I stopped, because Yamato had connected it, and said, "Down by Blink 182. I knew that I knew the song."

I smiled at him and released his hand, turning to the piano again. "Can you start from the beginning? I want to see what I remember from the song."

I nodded. I'd be happy to do that, though I couldn't tell him that. I started the song again, with Yamato humming until he knew the words. "The drops of rain, they fall all over." Back to humming. "Upon her. I'll try to kiss you if you let me," I blushed at this and Yamato continued, "Tidal waves they rip right through me. Tears from eyes worn cold and sad. Pick me up now, I need you so bad." I noticed that Yamato sang with passion, as if he had written the song himself. And while he sang, he looked at him, going in to the repeated "down" part, for which the song was named. "Your vows of silence fall all over. The look in your eyes." Humming for a few seconds, then, "I feel the darkness break upon her. I'll take you over if you let me. Tidal waves they rip right through me. Tears from eyes worn cold and sad. Pick me up now, I need you so bad." Then a pause, before going back into the "down" part. He did it once, then the only sound was my piano as I ended the song.

I looked over to Yamato and smiled at him. Okay, he wasn't completely a jerk, even if he didn't know all the words to the song, though Yamato didn't smile back. Instead he seemed to be studying me. He whispered something, then, and it was so quiet that I almost didn't catch it. "I'll try to kiss you if you let me." I continued to looked at him, though I couldn't tell what my expression was. Yamato, on the other hand, leaned closer. I could feel his breath upon my lips and I felt a shiver from it. But as quickly as he leaned in, he leaned back and then stood. "I've gotta go. The band will be starting again soon." He left the room, in a hurry I might add.

Me, on the other hand, sat motionless upon the bench, my only movement being my hand going up and touching my lips softly. I found myself regretting not getting that stolen kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

I left the prop room, leaving behind the beautiful spinet to collect dust once more in its lonely corner. I could hear Yamato announcing that they were going to start again and if everyone was ready, but this was more like background noise as I walked. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what was going on in Yamato's mind. Why would he suddenly want to kiss me, of all people? I'm sure Yamato could easily get any girl in our school, so why me? Unless... oh, no matter how hard I thought about it, none of the reasons made sense!

Walking out to the dance floor, my eyes scanning the crowd. At first, my thoughts had been to find Taichi, but now... now I think it is best to keep what happened to myself and question Yamato about it later. Wait... maybe I could tell Miyako, have her act as a translator for Yamato. No, wait, bad idea. As much as I love Miyako, she's not the best secret keeped in the world. Defiantly not telling Taichi what happened. Sora... I wasn't so sure. She could keep a secret, but I'm not sure if she could keep it a secret from Taichi, after all, they'd been best friends for as long as I could remember. Takeru didn't know enough sign language to actually be a good translator, and I don't think I would actually have him translate, as Yamato was his brother.

No. I don't think I could actually talk to Yamato about it at all. I would keep it to myself, and if, by chance, Yamato decided he wanted to talk about it, he could come and find me. In all honesty, I had no way to actually talk to Yamato alone, unless I wrote him a note, which would be lame and junior high-ish rather than high school-ish.

Okay, I've made my conclusion. I won't even think about it... Okay, as good as that sounds, I don't think I could actually do that. With a sigh, I pushed my way through the crowd, heading towards the door. Maybe some fresh air would help clear my head of these thoughts and I could think correctly, more straightly. Yeah, fresh air would be nice.

I opened the door and stepped out into the cool air. I was glad I'd kept my jacket on, it was cold out here! Colder than I thought it would be, at least. The lights in the parking lot were on, making it impossible to see if it was could or clear because you couldn't see past the lights. I wanted to see the stars, so I walked along the building, going around back to the soccer field. No lights were back there and the darkness made the world seem peaceful. Many people don't like the dark, as the fear what might be hiding in it. I don't. I like the dark, as it allows you to know what is out there. The slightest noise made in the dark can be heard for miles, as everything else is silent. That way, you can hear the things in the dark, so you've no reason to fear it. But this is just me.

Heading towards the center of the field, I looked up. Stars shone brightly in the night sky, twinkling happily. I smiled and closed my eyes for a bit, letting the gentle breeze blow over me, cooling me and numbing my thoughts, allowing all things to float away on the wind. I pulled my MP3 from my pocket and put my headphones in and turned on my MP3. Soon Cold As You by Taylor Swift was playing in my headphones, and I mouthed along, enjoying the song. Though it wasn't a happy song, it still soothed me, help me think a bit clearer.

I closed my eyes and, to my disappointment, I saw Yamato, his face close to mine, his eyes half closed. The look I saw just before he pulled back and left. No! Bad Hikari! You're out here to quit thinking about him, not to fantasize about him. Get it right. God, I still couldn't think straight. I'll admit, he was gorgeous, yet he held this air of mystery around him with that look in his eyes, the one of sadness and loss, so distant. But just because he would make other girls faint with one of his stupid... sexy smiles, didn't mean I was going to be one of those! I didn't faint over boys, heck, I'd never really felt anything towards anyone until Yamato looked me in the eyes. Maybe I was getting sick? That was a common thing for me, being sick I mean.

Or maybe, as much as I hated to admit it, maybe I was actually getting a crush on him. I sat bolt up at that thought. Miyako! She would be able to tell me if I was actually getting a crush on Yamato or if I was sick. She'd had a crush before. Okay, many crushes before. Okay... the more I thought of this, the more I was deciding against it. Miyako got a crush as ever cute guy she saw, no matter who they were. So, who else could I ask? Sora. Sora would be able to help me, she was good at the love thing, being level headed and such.

Standing, I headed back towards the doors, needing to find Sora. She would be able to help me, more defiantly. As I rounded the corner to the doors, I saw Sora and Taichi, both looking around. Taichi yelled my name, but I had no way of answering. Thinking, I grabbed my cell phone and turned on my ringers, allowing Yuuhi No Yakusoku to fill the night air, getting them to look over.

"Hikari!" Taichi called and waved as I jogged up, putting my cell phone away. "We've been looking for you. Don't just run off like that!"

"You scared Taichi to death," Sora said with a smile and a wink. "Where were you?"

_I was in the soccer field, looking up at the stars. Hey, Sora, I need to talk to you alone._ I signed, looking over to Taichi. Taichi understood and went back inside, the music from inside getting three times as loud once the door opened, then muffling again when the door closed behind Taichi.

"What is it, Hikari?" Sora asked as she sat on the cold concret in front of the school.

_I was wondering if you knew what it was like to have a crush._ There. I'd said it. Now all I needed was my answer.

"Crush or love? They are different things," Sora said, with a small, almost knowing, smile.

_Both_. I decided and turned to listen to what Sora had to say on the subject.

"Well, first things first. A crush can become love, but love cannot become a crush, because love is stronger than a crush," Sora explained, staring out into the parking lot as she spoke. "When you have a crush, you might act differently around them. You might blush at things that they say and even hold every compliment they give you at heart. Now, as I explain love, it might seem like a crush is stronger, but it's not. A crush is what you _like_ about them. When you are in love, it's about what you like and don't like, it is that person as a whole, not just what you like about them, like their shampoo or something. It's deeper than that. The person you are in love with could make you angrier then anything in the world, or happier, really. It all depends. When you are away, you think of the person you love, but only when there is nothing else upon your mind. When you have a crush, you think constantly about them, thought sometimes that isn't true. It can take a while to define whether you are really in love or having just a crush."

I nodded, taking in the information I had just recieved. _Thank you. It means a lot to me, really. Now I guess we have to wait._ I signed, then stood and stretched. Sora stood as well.

"Wait for what?" Sora questioned as we started back towards the door, to the warmth of the school and possible a nice coke.

_To see if it's love, or merely a crush._ I answered, a smile upon my face. I could handle it if I had a crush on Yamato, no problem. After all, crushes go away after a while, that much I knew was true from Miyako.

"Alright. Tell me when you know," Sora said. I knew she wasn't going to ask who, but I had a feeling she already had a good guess. Sora was good at that kind of thing, whether I wanted her to be or not.

_I'm going to get a drink_. After Sora nodded, I slipped away to get something nice to drink. Hopefully something cold, because even though we just came in from the cold, I had gotten hot rather quickly.

The table had punch on it, but I didn't trust the punch, she I went around the table to the coolers of soda. Reaching in, I got a coke and checked it over. It seemed safe enough and if it wasn't, I knew Taichi would watch over me. I popped the top and took a big gulp, glad the the refreshment that soothed my throat. Looking towards the stage, I saw Yamato and his band playing there hearts out, enjoying the whole of it. That's what I loved about music. The singers were compassionate about what they did, singing with there every breath and over all, enjoying it.

My eyes focused on Yamato as he sang, as Kyo had taken over the guitar, leaving Hisao to the bass instead of keyboarding. It amazed me that they could all change instruments like that, as they had all learned all the instruments. I hadn't even completely learned the piano, only memorised three songs. Yamato sang with both hands clasped over the microphone and his eyes were closed. He was singing with all his heart, all his soul, and I don't think a single person realized it. He was belting out the lyrics to something that _meant_ something to him, and everyone just dance to it in their slutty version of dancing. But what he was singing meant so much more than just this dance to him, I could tell my the way he completely concentration on the music, and nothing else.

The words. I watched Yamato as I listened to them, needing to hear what he was singing. "What it meant to me. Will eventually. Be a memory. Of a time when I tried so hard." As he sang, I listened, and to my surprise, as if he noticed me staring, he opened his eyes, looking straight at me. We locked eyes as he sang some more, and I listened without him explaining. "This wounds, they will not heal." What wounds? I wondered how much of his past he has kept hidden, from Takeru, Taichi, and even himself. Maybe one day, I would know, but for now, I'll just listen.

**A/N: The song, so you know, was In The End by Linkin Park. I do not own that song and never will, though I do believe its philosophy.**


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter has a dedication! This chapter goes out to yAkArI-TaKaRi lUvEr. You know why, yAkArI-TaKaRi lUvEr.**

It's been two days since that night at the school feastival and now I seem to see Yamato everywhere. Or maybe... he was there before, but I'd never really _noticed_ him until now? How could I not have noticed the God of our school? Was I really that out of it with the oppisite sex? Gods, I hope not. Miyako was right, I might as well be a lost cause on the dating thing. But... maybe I wasn't. Yamato had- No! Bad Hikari! I'd already told myself I wouldn't think about that. So what if he'd almost kissed me, the point is that he didn't and he wasn't going to... not saying that I wouldn't _let_ him, I'm just saying that he probable wouldn't try again. I mean, I hadn't stopped him the first time, he'd just pulled back and left.

Oh gods! Was I ugly? I ducked into the school's restroom and checked my face in the mirror. I didn't think I was ugly, but that was just me. I wasn't overly beautiful, like the other girls of my class, but I could be considered cute at least. Though I examined myself more closely in the mirror. I had mouse brown hair, how beautiful could _mouse_ brown be? And my eyes were brown, too. I looked plain, almost boring. I didn't wear make-up or perfume, I'd never thought that much about how I looked. I'd always figured that if people didn't like me, they didn't have to look at me... but now. Now I was having thoughts about that girl I saw Yamato talking to, how she wore that bright red lipstick that didn't exactly match her complexion and the eyeshadow that reached to her eyebrows and the glitter that she'd worn enough of to be a disco ball. Was he into girls like that?

No, stop it! Stupid thoughts. Who cares what kind of girls Yamato likes? I sure as heck don't! I was not going to be one of those superfical people anyway. I didn't wear make-up and I wasn't about to start. Others could, that was fine with me, but I was not going to allow that stuff on my face. The only thing I'd ever gotten close to wearing was the stage make-up for theater and this lip gloss Mimi had gotten me for my birthday last year.

I sighed, heading out of the bathroom, eyes glued on the floor as I walked. I guess I still need to finish the errand I was on. I was going to get paper for my fourth period teacher and so far today I'd seen Yamato at least eight times this morning. That was more than I normally saw him, or at least, what normally registered when I saw him. So why was this happening now? Why was I becoming so... so... unconfident? Did life just honestly hate me? To toy with this emotion that welled up in me, one that I had yet to actually figure out what it was? And I thought life was just plain difficult when you couldn't speak, but now it's even more difficult because I can't even talk to Yamato about what happened without having to tell someone else to translate. Or write the note, which I'd already decided was a no. It was way to junior high for this kind of thing.

Whap!

"Oh, whoa! You okay?" a voice asked. I blinked a couple of times. I couldn't breath. What the... what just happened here? "Yo... Hikari? Earth to Hikari, come in Hikari." I blinked again, not registering what was happening. Something was waving in front of my face; what was it? Rather pale looking, but my eyes wouldn't focus and I still couldn't breath. I felt myself waver, tittering on my feet, then I black out with a falling sensation. Was I actually falling or was it all an illusion?

--

I heard murmuring when I came to, voice that I couldn't make out. They sounded groggy and distant, almost like a hullicination. My abdomine hurt and so did my head. I opened my eyes part way, only to squeeze them shut again because of the bright light that engulfed me. The voices quit speaking and a door opened and closed. I blinked, allowing my eyes to adjust to this new lighting as I propped myself up with my elbows. A figure had plopped itself down in the chair, leaning back, head rested against the walls, eyes closed. I drew a sharp breath and sat bolt up. Yamato.

"Huh?" Yamato must have heard my breath because he opened one eye and looked over. When he saw me, he opened the other eye and leaned forward in the chair, staring at me as I stared at him. Daja vu, much? I don't think it quite registured to him that I was actually up and staring at him until a few seconds later when his eyes widened in realization and he jumped up. "Oh my God, Hikari! You're okay! You're up! Oh, thank God. You had me scared for a little bit there." All I could do was nod dumbly and blink up at him as he stood over me. I must have had confusion written all over my face, because Yamato continued, "You got hit with a baseball, pretty hard, too. I was outfielder, suppose to be paying attention, but by the time it actually registured in my brain that they were yelling at me to catch the ball, I looked up in time to see it fly past me. When I turned and saw you get hit, all I could think was "Oh _shit_" and I hurried over and... uh.. yeah." Yamato stopped talking when he realized I'd held up a hand to stop him from talking.

Oh boy. This was going to be fun. Now... how to ask this. Maybe he knew sign language and I didn't know about it? Worth a try, right? I started to sign _Where did the nurse go? I need_ and that's as far as I got before Yamato told me to stop. He didn't know a _thing_ of sign language. Goody. How was I to do this? I looked around the room. Ah ha! A backpack sat under Yamato's chair. Obviously, it was his. I climbed off of the little cot and headed over to his bag, grabbing it and pulling it out from under the chair.

"Uh... that's my bag," Yamato sounded confused. Well, duh! Of course it's your bag. I had no way of telling him this, so I merely nodded my head. I grabbed a notebook, that he had labled, "Stupid." Never heard of that subject before. Wonder if it was any good? After I grabbed his notebook, Yamato seemed to catch on to what I was doing. "Pen in the side pocket." I opened said pocket and pulled out a Bic black-inked pen, then made my way back over to the cot. I sat on it, cross-legged so I had something to stable the notebook with so my hand writing would at least be ledgible. On it, I wrote, "Where did the nurse go?"

"To call your classroom and tell your teacher that you would be late, and then she was going to head out, hence why I'm still here," Yamato explain, though it didn't clear up everything.

"Explain?" I wrote, then showed him so he could do just that.

"She wanted me to watch you, make sure you were okay. She has to head over to the junior high," Yamato said with a shrug as he moved over to sit at the other end of the cot, facing me.

"I see." I wrote. "Now what? Do I go back to class?"

Yamato shrugged after he read it. "If you want to. You _are_ excused from it."

Amazingly, I didn't feel like going to class. I looked over to Yamato then wrote, "So, I could stay here if I wanted? Because I don't feel like going to class."

Yamato chuckled at that. "And Taichi told me you loved school. Why miss a class?"

I wodner how badly he'd freak if I said, "because I'd much rather be in this room with you than a classroom full of other people." Oh yes, I could see that going over real well. Instead, I wrote, "My abdomine still hurts and my head. Besides, I don't know you that well for being my brother's best friend and my best friend's brother. Tell me about yourself."

"Ah... what's to tell?" Yamato said and looked down to the cot. Obviously their was a lot to tell, a lot that he didn't want to tell, which could only lead one into thinking that it was bad things. "I like music, obviously. Uh... I can play the piano, but you can do that too..."

I snapped my fingers to get his attention, which made him look up quickly. I wrote, "I can't actually play the piano. I just memorized how to play three. I couldn't even begin to tell you what notes thay are."

"Oh, I see. So you memorized Down?" Yamato raised an eyebrow, obviously questioning my motives as to why I would memorize that song out of all of them.

"I like the song. It seems romantic, in the way that he wants her but is unsure of whether to take her again, but he needs her."

"You get really deep into songs, don't you?" Yamato asked after he read what I wrote. I nodded and began to think. I stole the notebook from his hands and wrote another note.

"Teach me to play the piano?"

"What?"

I pointed to that sentence again. I was pretty sure that it was clear.

"Why?"

I sighed and wrote, "Because you know how and I want to know how, so teach me how."

"I don't know..." Yamato looked over to me. I put on my best puppy dog eyes and scooted closer, clasping my hands together. I made my bottom lip quiver. "Ah... why me?"

I picked up the notebook. "Because I actually know you and I wouldn't have to pay. Would I?"

Yamato sighed. "No, you wouldn't have to pay, but I see how you are. Not wanting me because I'm good, but because I'm cheap."

I nodded my head eagerly to that. Cheap was best, especially at our house where cheap was the _only_ option. It's not like we actually had spare money lying around anymore.

Yamato smiled, obviously at my antics. "Fine. When are you free?"

I just knew my eyes lit up like Christmas lights and I leaped forward and hugged him. Yamato seemed to stiffen under my hug but he relaxed after a bit and place one hand on my back to return the hug. Chills ran down my spin when he touched me and after I pulled back that place felt warm. I tried not to notice and instead on the notebook, I wrote, "Any day. When are you free?"

"Would today after school work? We could probable use that piano that's in the theater storage room," Yamato suggested.

I nodded. The Spinet! I would get to see it again. The only thing I would have to do was tell Taichi I was staying after... to do homework, of course.

"Alright then. After school it is," Yamato nodded and stood. "Now, we should get to class. The bells about to ring anyway, so might as well head to lunch. Be the first in line."

Standing, I followed.

--

**Alright... not that long and kinda boring. But anyway, you are probable wondering how Hikari got hit by a baseball while going to get paper. The school is set up like mine, which has two buildings. One holds the Print Shop, as we call it, and the other holds everything else. The Print Shop is where we get our paper/fliers/poster/whatever from, be it printed or blank. The buildings are connected by the overhang thing that is completely pointless, as it doesn't keep out snow or rain, and it barely blocks the sun, but anyway, it's got no walls and the field for PE is right by it, hence how Hikari bit the dust. Anyway, feel free to review or not. It's a free internet... for the most part.**


	7. Chapter 7

I ran my hand over the golden swirls of the spinet's fallboard as I sat upon the bench that was in front of it. Yamato had yet to show up, but heck, it was Yamato. He was probably talking to Taichi or something, possibly talking to some random cheerleader who wants to date him. For some reason, that thought both angered and saddened me, at the same time. What was _wrong_ with me? This was Yamato we were talking about. He could get _anyone_, so why was my pathetic heart set on wanting him to get me? It's not as if he would choose me over the cheerleaders that wanted him.

I lifted the fallboard of the piano, my fingers slowly running over the keys, lightly so as not to actually make a sound. Black keys, mixed with the more dominate white, turned a dull yellow with age, keys. The spinet was anything but extrodinary, except for the golden paint upon the fallboard, but even that can be done with a cheap set of paints and a brush. The spinet was something more put into the background, a piece that didn't try to stand out. Much like me.

I started to play a different song from Down. The other one that my sensei had helped teach me. Yuuhi No Yakusoku. A song that was one of her favorites that she helped me learn, because she thought that it was a nice song. I thought it was a nice song as well and its meaning had never really jumped out at me until one night when I was playing it at the Junior High, last year. The song was beautiful in its own sense, and its main music source was truly a piano, other music simply helping the piano.

"Are you sure you even need my help to play?" Yamato's voice made me jump and I stood up quickly, the bench falling over because of my quick movement. I felt my face darken as I blushed with embarrassment.

I looked over to him and I knew he could see my blush, but I still met his gaze, his icy eyes studying me. I shook my head. Yes, I needed him. Err, to help learn the piano I mean, not that I needed Yamato in my life, exactly, but for the piano I did. I hope that my eyes didn't betray my thoughts and he studied me.

"Well, if you say so. Sorry I'm late, anyway. I stopped by the school store to buy a notebook," Yamato said as he came over and sat a light blue notebook upon the music rack, a pink pen neatly clipped onto the notebook. I looked over to Yamato, my face quizical, an eyebrow raised in question. "Uh... I figured I'd get you a notebook and pen. So we could talk, ya know. The pen you can keep, ya know, since it is your favorite color, so says Miyako. Pink is your favorite, right? I didn't get a pink notebook though. The girl I bought these from already gave me an odd look for buying the pink pen, no way was the notebook going to match."

He was rambling... and he knew my favorite color. Of course, everyone could tell that by looking at me, but I still felt special because he'd paid enough attention to me to actually notice that I like pink. But... he's said that Miyako said my favorite color was pink. Had he been talking to her? About me? I felt my blush deepen a bit at that thought. He was talking about me to my best friend. I so had to question Miyako when I saw her. Wait, no! I was starting to sound like every other girl that wanted Yamato. I didn't want Yamato! I didn't like him like that... did I? Oh no.

Yamato caughed, obviously realizing that he had been rambling. "Umm... anyway, shall we start? I'll teach you the basic notes and a simple song. Sound good?"

I nodded and picked up the bench, righting it from its fallen position. I looked at Yamato, wondering what to do next.

"Sit," Yamato said, noticing my hesitation. I did as I was told, sitting on the edge. "No, sit in the center. I'm not going to be sitting down." Again, I did as I was told. Yamato stood behind me, leaned over. "Okay, this might seem awkward, but trust me, you'll learn quicker this way, because I'll be explaining things from your point of view." I nodded my agreement, trying to surpress my blush. I was probable going to be permanently red so long as we were this close and in this room.

The next fifteen minutes was a quick session of what key was what note and that went qucikly, as it was partially review for me, as I had learned this before, I simply hadn't actually taken the time to remember it. But now that I was relearning it, it came quickly to me, which impressed Yamato.

"Okay, song time. Here, I'll teach you while playing, so you can get used to the pattern of the song. Place your hands on the keys, but relax your fingers. Not enough to actually push the keys down," Yamato said and I did as told. A heavy blush engulfed me as he leaned over me, his hands over mine on the keyboard, his face next to mine. Oh. My. God. It's a good thing I can't make any noise or I would have squeaked just then.

I focused on the keys, trying not to notice the sexy blond that was now touching his chest to my back while we played a soft, soothing song. The melody of the song was beautiful, yet it wasn't exactly enough to take my mind off of Yamato and the fact that he was so close to me. Once we finished and he lifted his hand, I reached for the notebook and pen.

_What song was that?_ I wrote.

"It was a lulliby... that my mom used to sing to me and Teeks," Yamato said, his voice sounding a bit saddened.

_It was beautiful._

"I used to think so, too. But that passed when she left."

_Then why teach it to me?_

"Because I remember it. It is still a good song, I just don't think that highly of it anymore," I felt Yamato shrug more than actually seeing him do said movement. "It's not as if I was good enough to go with her anyway..."

When that I was said, I turned to Yamato, a concerned look on my face. I wrote _What do you mean?_

"It's... nothing. A personal issue of mine," Yamato looked down at me, as he was still leaning over me. I had no clue as to what was going on in his head, as his face was passive, but he seemed to have changed his mind about not telling me. "I just... I sometimes think I'm not good enough for my mom. Ya know, maybe that was why she stuck me with dad rather then taking me with her when she and Takeru left." His eyes closed.

I felt horrible. I brought on these painful memories, and by the look that was now on Yamato's face, it still pained him to think of it. The more I thought, the more I wanted to know about his past. His mother leaving could only be part of what made him this... sad, empty shell, hiding all emotion behind fake pride and anger. It had to be fake, the way he held himself showed that he thought highly of himself, but his actions, the actually _movements_ seemed to show that he thought he wasn't what he tried to be. Wasn't good enough, I guess. I wanted to know exactly what had caused this in him. I lifted my hand and placed it on his cheek, which startled him, because he flinched a bit and opened his eyes quickly to look at me in confusion. I didn't really have an explanation for my actions, so all I had to offer was a smile. One that I hoped held warmth and understanding.

Yamato tried to return the smile, but it ended up being only a half faked smile, only one corner of his mouth moving up. Just what has happened to this boy to make him so... empty. Lifeless almost. Not lifeless in the sense of not being, but rather, in the sense of not feeling. Almost like he was afraid to show emotions. I looked into his eyes wondering when they last cried, last held an actual glimps of humor, last shined with real laughter and happiness. All Yamato did seemed fake to me, the happiness, laughter, acceptance of his own life. It was like a show to me, in which the actor could fool anyone, except themselves and, apparently, me. I could be wrong about this and Yamato was fine, but I'd spent my whole life observing, wondering, growing up without growing old. I was older than my years in the mind, as not everyone wanted me to go outside and play, and I'd learn to pick up on people's emotions, almost like a sixth sense.

I'd kept my hand on his cheek a long time and I just realized this, yet I still didn't pull back. Yamato closed his eyes and sighed, nuzzling his cheek against the palm of my hand. This action surprised me, yet his sigh worried me. The sigh, it sounded so... worn out, as if he was tired, but not a physical tired. Tired of being someone he knows he isn't, tired of pretending. I pulled my hand back, which made Yamato frown a bit. I picked up the pen again and wrote. _You know, you don't have to pretend with me._

This statement made Yamato freeze for an instant, but then it seemed to turn into anger. "What makes you think I'm pretending anything!?" He had demanded it rather harshly and I visibly flinched at the tone in his voice.

_I don't know if you are or not. It is just a feeling I have. Like you don't think you are good enough. There is so much about you I don't know or understand. Not a bad thing, of course. I'm sorry if I hit a nerve._

Yamato's face softened a bit. "No... well, yes. It's just... you scare me, Hikari." I gave a look of faked hurt and true surprise. I scared him? Clearly, he knew I was asking why, because he continued, "I don't know you, yet, you seem to know more about me than my own dad. We barely talk, yet you've gotten this understanding of me that on a whole new level than I've ever know. You don't know me, but you _know_ me. When I see you, I get this weird feeling, like I'm not sure whether I should run _to_ you or run _away_ from you."

I was surprise, to say the least, and my hand shook as I wrote my reply. _I feel the same towards you. Half the time I don't have to sign or write, or make a geasture with my hands at all and you just seem to know what I want to say or do. I can talk to you without talking at all. I can't even do that with Taichi and I'm closer to him than anyone._

"Huh," Yamato gave a light chuckle, looking straight at me, "I guess we have more in common than I thought." I nodded my head. I thought so, too. This made me look at Yamato in a whole new light. He felt that I knew him without knowing him. As confusing as it sounds, it made sense to me. So, does that mean that I was right about there being more to his past then just his mother? What else had happened to Yamato to turn him into... this?

_Yamato, since we are being open, you scare me too. But... in a good way, I think._

"You think? You aren't sure if it's good?"

_No... well, yes. I mean, you make me... flustered. I feel funny when you're around and I've never felt this way before. Sora said... well, she thinks that-_ I quit writing after that. Whoa, whoa girl! I might have been having a heart to heart with him, but did I really want to involve the heart in it. I looked at Yamato and saw the look on his face. His mouth was even, as if deep in thought, and his eyes held a sad tint to them. Was he trying to find out what Sora thinks it was? I felt bad for not actually telling him, so I turned to the piano and started to play. Not the song he taught me, but I started to play Down, the song he'd almost kissed me to. Yamato heard the beat and started to sing. Once he got to the line that I wanted, I stopped playing, making Yamato blink in confusion. I played the line again and Yamato sang it, again. "burns light upon her, I'll try to kiss you if you let me."

I turned away from the piano, to see if he got it. His face held a look of thought as his eyes met mine. I think he understood what I meant by the song, but was having difficult figuring out that I actually meant it. I figured I would help him. What did I have to lose? I turn around on the bench so I was facing him, looking up. I place a hand on his cheek, which he instantly rubbed gently against, as if instinct. I moved my hand to the back of his head, letting my fingers get lost in the golden locks. I stood and pressed my lips softly to his.


	8. Chapter 8

I felt Yamato tense up when I kissed him, lightly brushing my lips against his. I wasn't exactly sure how to kiss, or if I was even doing this thing right. I was probably making a fool of myself, but I didn't really care at this moment. I wanted to, needed to, kiss Yamato. Something inside me needed this and now that I had done it, I didn't regret it. I felt my foot sliding beneath me, so I shifted. It ended up making me press my lips a little harder upon Yamato lips. I think that's when Yamato's control snapped. I'm simply assuming he was restraining himself because of how he kissed me. One arm went around my waist, while the other went around my shoulders, his hand on the back of my neck, ever so lightly, and it gave me goosebumps.

Yamato pulled me close and I could feel his whole body against mine. He kissed me deeply, nibbling and sucking my lower lip, to which I gasped at. Yamato seemed to take this as an invatation, as his tongue entered my mouth. I was surprised to say the least. Yamato definately knew what he was doing, and it made me feel... jealous I guess. How many other people had kissed these lips? Had held Yamato the same was that I was? It had to be quite a few people, as he was this good. But... then again, I'd never kissed anyone else.

Suddenly, he pulled back, looking down at me while I looked up at him. I could feel my lip. It was swollen a bit from the pressure of the kiss, as this was a new thing to me. It is sad, really, when I think about it. Fifteen and getting my first kiss in a store room from my piano teacher, brother's best friend, and my best friend's brother. None of those things mixed together. At all. Yet, I didn't care. All that mattered was that I was kissing Yamato.

"Hikari..." Yamato spoke, though his voice was raspy, his eyes half closed. "I... I don't... we shouldn't have..."

I shook my head fiercly needing to stop him from saying it. He had better not dare to say we should have kissed. That my first kiss was a mistake, an accident that shouldn't be repeated. I grabbed the notebook and pen and told Yamato those thoughts.

I watched him swollow, his throat seemed to have gone dry. "Your... first kiss?" I nodded my head yes. "You... why?"

I wrote, _Why what?_

"Why'd you kiss me? Why'd you let me take something you can never get back? Gods, Hikari. I'm not... you should have waited for someone you liked. Someone who could... could be with you. Someone... someone worthy of you!"

I was shocked to say the least. Worthy? He thought he wasn't worthy of me!? He was the only boy who'd even looked at me in a romantic look of any sort. The only guy who had wanted to kiss me, and I was suppose to _wait_ because he wasn't _worthy_!? I quickly started to right while he paced and mumbled. _Don't you dare Yamato! Stop it right there. Who are you to tell me my first kiss wasn't suppose to happen? I've had 15 years to kiss someone, so I didn't have to kiss you. I _wanted_ to kiss you! Is that so hard to believe?_

"No...," Yamato mumbled once he had stopped pacing and read what I'd written. "I mean, yes. I mean... you _shouldn't_ want to kiss me. I'm not the kind of guy you want to end up with. You're a great girl Hikari, so why stick yourself with me? I've done things in the past that would make you hate me."

_No. Never hate, Yamato. I don't believe in hate, and I also don't believe in looking into the past to find the present or future. So what if you've done bad things in your past, that's over now. This is now, and that was then._

My words seemed to have an effect on Yamato, as he had stopped pacing. "But... Hikari... I don't understand... I just..."

I had been writing while he spoke and held it up for him to read. It was four simple words that made him stumble. _Let me show you._

"Wh-what?" His confusion was clear.

_Let me show you that I care. Let me prove that I don't care for your past. Is it really so bad that I like you?_

"No... it's not. Well, yes..." Yamato sighed, shaking his head as he stopped pacing to lean against the wall. "Hikari, you don't know me. You know nothing about who I am or any of that stuff. How can you be so sure that you'd like me if you got to know me?"

A silence filled the room, the only noise being that of my pen on the paper, writing out my answer. _Because I _do_ know you. Or at least some of you. I know that you care, because of the night you tried to help me at your concert for the school. I know you are kind because you are giving me piano lessions, even though you don't have to. From what I've seen you wouldn't betrey your friends for the world and you care a lot for Takeru._

Yamato was quiet as his eyes went over my words. I could only wonder what was going on in that head of his. Their was so much that I didn't know about him, true, but I did know some things, and in time I could learn the rest. Besides, you don't normally start off knowing everything about the person you like, right? "Hikari... you have no idea how much I want to be with you. Want _us_, but do you honestly think that we could last? I mean, you've never even had a boyfriend, and I'm not exactly someone you'd want to date your first time around and gods know I don't deserve you. But why me? Why not Takeru or Daisuke?"

_Deserve or not, I want to be with you, Yamato! Not Daisuke and not Takeru. Both are like brothers to me. Besides, you said you wanted to be with me and I want to be with you. I'm still not seeing the problem._

Yamato shoved off the wall and walked over to me. "Hikari... I do want us, but... I don't know why. And I'm afraid of hurting you."

_So don't._

"If only it were that easy," Yamato sighed again, then brought his eyes to meet mine. I wasn't going to back down. I think Yamato got that because he said, "Every bit of me is screaming to run away from you, to pretend that this didn't happen, that it meant nothing. But that would be a lie, because it did happen and it did mean something. And... a part of me wants to grab you right now and kiss you until your lips are black and blue and you can't breathe."

I felt a smile come to my lips. He did feel something, he wanted me just as much as I wanted him, possible more. I couldn't tell for sure. All I know is that it made me happy to think that someone wanted me and that I wanted them in return. This was completely new to me, but I could figure out how this emotion worked, after all, love was natural, right? Right. _So... can we at least try "us."_

He was hesitant, I could tell, but Yamato finally let a small smile grace his lips. "Yeah, we can try. But don't say I didn't warn you when you get hurt."

_I won't._ I wrote, but I saw the uncertainty in Yamato's eyes. He wasn't sure he could actually make it without hurting me. It made me wonder just how many hearts he had broken and why. Was he not faithful? Did he do something they didn't like? Their were so many possiblities that I couldn't even begin to name them.

Yamato pulled me into a hug, which surprised me, because I figured he would kiss me again, seeing as that was probably what he was used to. Yamato must have sense my confusion, because he said, "I'll take it slow, for you Hikari."

I smiled at that, but that smile turned into a frown, one that Yamato didn't see because my forehead was resting against his chest while his chin rested on the top of my head, his arms around me gently. I frowned because I could only wonder two things. How long till Yamato couldn't take it slow? How long till he left me because I wasn't enough?


	9. Chapter 9

Foolish! That's what I had been! So very, very foolish! Why had I thought that once Yamato and I actually got together that things would go smoothly? Had I completely lost my mind!? Yes, of course I had. Not only had I practically _begged_ him to date me, but now I realized that I couldn't really tell anyone about this. Our relationship had to be kept a secret - at least until we were comfortable around one another to admit it. Sure it isn't the most romantic thing, agreeing to not tell anyone that you are together, but we both knew it was for the best. Honestly, we'd probably just get chastised for it anyway, right? Right. .... I am right, right? Oh, I do so hate being unsure of myself. Why can't I be like other people, normal people, who can scream at the top of their lungs and feel better? Or vent, vocally, to their best friend and get everything off their plate. I suppose that is fate and life for you. That I'm sure of.

Yes, you've read correctly. Yamato and I agreed to keep it all a secret. Tell no one and continue as if things were normal. Heh, yeah right. Here was I, always practical Hikari, doing something completely irrational and illogical. Even in my own mind it seemed this way. Why would I, the perfect child, choose a boy I hardly know over the one I'd known the longest (Daisuke) or my new best friend (Takeru)? People would question that, too, if they knew I wanted to be with Yamato, that I was with Yamato. Even I, myself, questioned why I chose him, but no matter how logically I placed things, I felt... well, I felt sick at the thought of dating Daisuke or Takeru. Oh... that didn't sound right, did it? I guess one can only understand this feeling when one has actually felt it. Let me see... how to explain. It's like learning that the person who has been your friend forever, family almost, likes you. You know you don't return those feelings and it feels... sickening. Ya know that feeling?

Well, whether or not you do is not the point. The point is, I found out hiding relationships is not easy and even though I can't speak, I can be read as clearly as a new book. I found this out the very next morning at school. Unfortunately, it was also that same day I found out that many people would be upset about Yamato and I.

"Hikari!" Miyako called, waving her arm high so I could find her in the crowded courtyard of the school. I couldn't help but smile at Miyako. She was just that kind of person to me. Many found her annoying and couldn't stand her. But I loved Miyako, perhaps for the very reason other people didn't. Her mouth. Miyako's mouth tended to run, sometimes when it shouldn't, and I love her for it. She was one of the very few people who isn't afraid to talk away while next to me. It's always been something that's bothered me, when people hesitate to talk around me simply because I can't. My purple haired friend never stopped talking and it helped fill the silence I felt. It must seem odd to read that, _feeling_ silence, but that's what I felt. Many people feel emptiness, or hear the silence (redundant, yes?) but I felt it. I felt silence and heard emptiness.

"Yo, Kari! What took you so long?" it was Daisuke that broke my thoughts and I smiled at him. I signed the one word everyone had learned from me - I used it so often and it was a comforting thing to me. Music. The sign for music is the right hand, palm facing left, is waved back and forth over the down-turned left hand in a series of elongated figure-eights. "Oh." it was a tone that told me it explained everything. My friends new me so well.

"So, can you believe that-" and so they launched into a conversation that I didn't really pay attention to. I was lost in thought, my brain running over many things, but I found that my thoughts kept going to Yamato. I was amazed by this myself, after all this was just a crush. Of course, Miyako's crushes were always all she talked about, so perhaps this was normal. I wasn't really sure, I'd never dated or even had an interest in anyone, and go figure that my one interest is the one person who can trigger the anger within me. Was that why I liked him? He brought out a new side of me? Granted, it wasn't a very pretty side, but it was a tough side, which was something I had never been before. Of course, I'd never been a lot of things.

But I wanted to be a lot of things. My thoughts progressed and I thought of all the things I loved but could never accomplish. I was told by mom that when I was little, about three, I would sing. I had loved it apparently. But that was something I could never do. I could also never be in theatre, preforming on stage. Unless that part was one that didn't speak, but those odds are quite slim. My musical talent was lacking, although I was getting better at the piano. And so often I seemed rude because I could not reply to people when asked simple questions at stores, or when I was asked directions on the street by tourists. All of these things we closed to me, so all I had really was my writing and music.

Perhaps that was another reason I was so drawn to Yamato. Music. He held so much talent and his voice was amazing. Of course, the biggest reason I was drawn to him, and I had thought hard about this, was that we were both so different from those around us. Yamato, hardened and cold, yet able to fit right in and not lash out at people, and I, so much wiser then my years suggested and unable to communicate to others easily - it was a sort of connection we both had that just... was.

"Come on Hikari," Takeru grinned at him and held his hand out, to help me stand from the grass patched I'd sat on. "let's get to class." Apparently, I'd been so lost in thought that I hadn't even heard the bell ring, but nonetheless, I smiled and accepted his hand so he could hoist me off the grass.

My classes that day, which were usually to fast, seemed to drag on. I was there, but my mind was elsewhere. My thoughts flew everywhere, and mostly too, I'm sure you've guest, Yamato. I wanted to know more about his past, his life, why he was so... fake. What were his bits and pieces that made him. Just who was Yamato?

I wondered from class to class without much thought of what I was doing. My body was on autopiloit, and pretty well at that. I even took notes that were understandable, though I didn't really get most of the lessons I was being taught. Hopefully my notes would show me what I needed. And if not I could always try and look it up on the internet; but lunch was the one time I paid attention, I was alert. Especially since Miyako chatted my ear off.

"And so Mimi and Sora want us to go to this party with them, someone on Taichi's football team is hosting it, and it should be completely fun! Sora said she would stick to your side like glue so you could chat with people and then she wouldn't have to socialize or get caught up in conversation with a boy. You know how Sora is about the opposite sex. She's more of a boy herself then anything, but that's besides the point-" Miyako continued to chatter on, on a subject I wasn't very interested in anyway. I knew I wouldn't go to the party. One, because I didn't go to party (I'm sure you can guess why) and two, Taichi would never allow it. Not everyone on his football team was... well, let's just say many of them tampered with drugs or alcohol once in there lives and they would probably have some sort of alcohol at there party. If it wasn't on school grounds, I generally avoided going to it.

Miyako and I walked to our table with her talking and we passed Taichi and Yamato. I smiled at both, though my eyes went to Yamato. I don't think Taichi noticed because he just grinned and waved. But Yamato just nodded to Miyako and I. I wasn't sure of what to feel - should I be sad that he could pretend nothing had happened? Should I be mad because he could? Or relieved because it meant that this might work? Since I wasn't sure which, I just did wait I did best. I placed a smile on my face and continued on, listening to talk of parties and boys. My faLse action went unquestioned, it always did because I was good at it. And it's not as sad as I'm making it sound. I am just so used to smiling, I love to smile, so smiling comes naturally to me, even when I just want to ball up and cry in a corner. I guess it is my gift from whoever took my voice - in replacement they allowed me to smile so I wouldn't have to try and answer so many questions that would otherwise be shot my way.

"Can you imagine the look on her face!" Daisuke was saying as Miyako and I joined the rest of our group at our table. Daisuke sat next to Ken, who was across from Takeru. Iori was on the other side of Daisuke. That left the places across from Daisuke and Iori open next to Takeru, which was where Miyako and I placed ourselves, me next to Takeru and her on the end.

"Who's face?" Miyako quickly joined it.

"Maki! It was funny as hell! Hiro-Sensie told us that we would be dissecting worms and she nearly fainted! Then she started in on this whole rant about how she couldn't do that because it would make her sick and stuff," Daisuke laughed when he finished. I didn't find the humor, but perhaps it was a had-to-be-there moment, and since Ken and Takeru were in his class, they, too, were laughing. I merely shook my head and rolled my eyes.

"You don't find that funny?" Daisuke noticed my lack of humor.

_Not really._ I signed and Miyako voiced it. God I loved her. She was the sister I was never given and I was grateful for her. She learned sign language well, and although she doesn't know all of it like mom and I, she knows the basic phrases I use so often. I think I would have been completely lost if it weren't for her being in our group.

"Oh, and what's funny to you if that's not?" Daisuke was teasing me now, so I shot him a look and shrugged my shoulders. With that dismissive move, the conversation moved to various topics, such as how the day was going to far and what plans for the weekend were. When I was asked, I shrugged again and after more persistence, I finally signed a reply.

_I suppose I'll practice the piano. I'm thinking of preforming in the talent show, if I can get good enough._

"I think you are! I can't play anything on the piano!" Iori encouraged me. I thanked him with a smile.

"I'm sure you'll be able to, Hikari," Ken spoke up. Ken was the quieter one of our group. He rarely spoke, and when he did, it was usually something profound or uplifting. "You're very talented."

"Of course she is!" Taichi's voice broke in and we all looked up quickly to see him standing at the end of the table, Yamato on one side of him and Koushiro on the other. "She's my sister!"

I rolled my eyes. _Being your sister does not automatically bring talent. Don't flatter yourself._

"Of course it does. I'm me and that's talent enough. Being related to me just means that you get to have some of that talent," Taichi teased me, a grin on his face the whole time. I gave Taichi a look and out of the corner of my eye I noticed Yamato staring right at me. I turned my gaze to him and he quickly looked away, turning his head completely to the side and pretended to look at something on the other side of the cafeteria. Just what was he thinking?

"So, who's going to the party this Friday?" Koushiro asked, which started a whole new talking session that I excused myself from. I signed to Miyako that I was going to hang in the library and finish some homework. Once she nodded in return I left quickly, grabbing my backpack and heading into the hallway.

The halls were practically empty, but that was to be expected because it was such a nice day outside. With the lack of people inside, it was oddly quiet, so I heard the footsteps following me quite easily. I looked over my shoulder to see Yamato. I grinned and waved to him.

Yamato approached and looked... uncomfortable. I couldn't blame him because he looked how I felt. And I was almost positive that we were thinking the exact same thing. Now what? But Yamato had a much more smart thing to say. "Hey." I hope you noticed the sarcasm in my last sentence. Of course, I couldn't think of anything else better to say besides hey, but that wasn't really the point. "Going to the library?"

I nodded and gestured for him to follow me as I walked. He did, and I must say that I had to resist the urge to reach out and hold his hand. I mean, I wanted to, badly, but I couldn't. I also knew that even if we weren't hiding our relationship I wouldn't have been able to. I'm to shy for that kind of thing. He would have had to do it first, and even then I would probably have blushed the whole time. What I found so very odd, though, was that I was shy around him now that we were dating. Just yesterday I'd kissed the boy! Now today I could only think of blushing and such. I didn't understand it. Perhaps it was something I could ask Miyako or Sora - they probably, definatly, knew more than me.

"Hey, Hikari... I, uh," Yamato stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked next to me and looked at the ground as he walked. "I talked to Takeru last night. Ya know, mostly just sibling talk, but we got onto the subject of you. And Takeru thinks it would be a good idea for you to come to my band practices with him. He's always alone there and you like music. So what'dya think?"

I was quiet for a bit, thinking it over carefully. It would be completely awesome! I shook my head yes and smiled widely to show that I completely agreed with the idea. Yamato returned my smile and told me he's see me later and he headed off, his head down. It wasn't until he was out of sight that I start to truly think and realized what I'd just agreed too. Going to band practice.... Where he will be with the people who know him best and the people who can not find out about us in any way, shape, or form! How would I _not_ be able to gaze at him when he sings? His voice was amazing!

Just what had I gotten myself into?

But... another part of me wasn't thinking about that, but rather with how Yamato walked. It had never occurred to me until just then that Yamato never walked with his head up. His head was always down, towards the ground. He looked up to look at you when you spoke or if he stopped walking, but mostly he looked to the ground. I had been silent enough to learn that those who were unsure walked with their heads down. Those with things to hide, or those who were ashamed.

So what was Yamato afraid of? Or worse yet - ashamed of?

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**Yesh, an update. I'm unsure of how many chapters this is going to be... It was suppose to be a short little 8-9 chapter thing, but ideas kept coming and then I lost interest. But now the interest it back and I've got more ideas... *sigh* We shall see what happens, won't we?**


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